Someone sent me this earlier, in customary chain-mail format (FW: fw:-FW.hirarious lol!!). I’ve de-n00b’d it, and here it is, to brighten up your day as it did for me:

These are the six best ’smart-arsed’ answers of 2008, in reverse order:

ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
‘What are my choices?’ the man asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

ANSWER 5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.  As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,  ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’

ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a supermarket but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant,  ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The assistant replied, ‘I’m afraid not madam, they’re dead.’

ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the cop said.
The kid replied,  ‘Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

ANSWER 2
A truck driver was driving along on a country road.  A sign came up that read ‘Low Bridge Ahead.’
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it..  Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.  The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck’s cab and said to the driver,  ‘Got stuck, eh?’
The truck driver said,  ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!’

and finally…

ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.  ‘Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.  I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-arse at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,  ‘What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,  ‘Well, I suppose you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

As promised, though later than planned, here is the picture of the scratch on my car.

It’s disheartening.

Hi!

Yesterday, we were given two young Lhasa Apso dogs from a relative; their names are Alfie and Charlie. Their hair is very long at the moment, so they need a visit to the groomers, but here they are:

And they seem to be getting on well with Finney, too:

My exams are over… All two of them. I didn’t have it as bad as most, but the couple I did have were least enjoyable anyway.

I promised details of the scratch on my car, and that is what you will have, when my arms and legs pluck up the courage to take a picture.

Either way, the scratch makes me cry a lot. It happened a while ago now, but I was pulling out of work, and there was a car in front of the gate. I drove through the tiiny gap and took some paint off on the way through after scraping the wall.

I rushed it a bit too much; I’ve done it before successfully, and I’ve done it since, but this time I failed miserably.

Now back to renaming the Tiesto artist tags in iTunes with the correct accent: ‘Tiësto’. It’s all go around these parts.

OK, so I can’t sleep. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

It’s a bit hot too, and this is the usual culprit for why I can’t sleep. It usually helps to find something to do, then I can return to my ‘cold’ bed. It’s difficult to explain, but I KNOW you know what I mean.

Tomorrow: news of the scratch on my car

Night! x